Cracky Randomness of Hetalia
by Nekome-Sama
Summary: Me Karin-chan200 PM boredom  this thing. I suggest you just read this if you are very bored. So technically its for people who love random crack and people who have nothing to do. Rated just in case if I should change the rating dont be afraid to tell me.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I dont own Hetalia and other things we mention in here. :P**

**Warning: Crack ahead and from here on out. XD  
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**America: **Ha! *hero pose* I wanna hamburger! England! Wait, hes not here...France I wanna hamburger!

**France:** Sorry hamburgers aren't in my food choices.

**America:** So you have freaking snails but no hamburgers? Dude, your messed up!

**France:** But snails taste good

**America:** Ewwwwwwwww! *gags* Your messed up dude. I cant believe that my brother lived with you. Wait...whos my brother again? He carries a bear everywhere and wears glasses like me..

**France:** Are you sure your not drunk

**America:** Dude! I can hold my liqueur better then you any day! -hic- Dude...I see stars...

**France: **Yep your drunk.

**America:** Hehehe. Whatz gave ya tat idear? *falls out of chair*

**France:** Oh great he's dead.

**America:** *jumps up and raises hands in the air* I'm okay!

**France:** *confuzzeled face* Okay?

**America:** I know right?

**France:** ENGLAND AMERICA'S DRUNK

**America:** WHAT! I SWEAR TO DRUNK I'M NOT GOD!

**France:** ENGLAND!

**England:** *England comes and freaking swacks me upside the head* No, bad America.

**France: ***smiles*

**America:** D': I feel so hated, and I have a headache now...aw, THANKS A LOT!

**England:** *England walks over to me and kisses me and says, "I'll love you forever"*

**France:** *scream* I may be perverted but even I don't want to see that

**America:** *smirks* Come on England...lets give France a show. *evil grin and starts making out with England*

**France:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *runs away very far away*

**America:** *even more of an evil smirk* Ah! Oh god, England. Don't touch me there! *runs away with you with England following*

**France:** *tries to run faster* SOMEBODY HELP ME!

**America:** *stops really fast causing England to run into him and fall on him* England! Get off me! I wanna hamburger!

**China:** *China appears out of nowhere and grabs France* Come on France! Lets get out of here, aru. *ninja poof*

**France:** Yay!

**America:** No don't leave me here! *crawls away*

**England:** *pirate senses kick in* Oh no you don't! *drags back by leash thats attached to a collar that he somehow got on me.*

**America:** oh dear cheese and crackers...GOD PLEASE HELP ME!

***God: **Nope...*

**America:** TT_TT D':

**France: ***smiles then laughs evilly*

**China:** *consoles France because of the horror he went through*

**America:** *you guys hear off in the distance* Oh dear lord! England! Stop! Help someone! RAPE!

**Canada: **No one help him. He deserves to suffer. *wicked smile*

**Both France and China:** * evil smile*

**America:** Aw! Why no one like me? Ah, England! *tries to run away...but fails...*

**England**: *pirate smirk*

**France: **Should we save him?

**China: **No aru.

**America:** Oh god. Ow! England, that isn't meant to go there! *groans* Oh god! Now my family really knows I'm gay now!

**China:** Don't worry we already knew since your favorite color was the RAINBOW~!

**America:** I told you easy bake oven was just a-a phase. I'm as straight as a ramp, if you don't count bible camp...OH GOD ENGLAND! THAT DOESN'T GO THERE EITHER!

**France:** As amusing as this is, we need to save him.

**China:** I'm kinda scared on what we'll find though...I mean...did you hear the noises that America was making aru? *shudders*

**Canada:** I vote on letting England screw him up. *evil grin*

**France:** Fine.

**Canada:** *evil grin* Now America wont be as innocent as people think...*shouts so then England can hear him* Thank you England!

**England:** Your welcome mate!

**America:** Oh god! E-England! *noises i don't wanna write*

**France:** I bored. *walks away*

**China:** No! Come back aru! *runs after France*

**Japan:** *sad face*

**America:** *cries*

**England:** Haha! Victory is mine!

**France:** Fine I'll come back... *growls*

**America:** *cries even more* Why does everyone hate me? And why did you have to do that to me Iggy?

**England:** Because I wanted you to be my mate for life and I had to do that so you knew who you belonged to.

**Japan:** *was secretly taking pics...* This is so going on YouTube... *runs off to Hungary*

**America:** France? Can I have a hug?...And a cheeseburger?...With a side of jumbo fries...with a mega ice cream...with a giant box of curly fires...with a diet Pepsi?

**Everyone:** *confused looks*

**America:** What? I gotta keep my weight down somehow and a diet soda is how to do that. :)

**France:** *hug America* I can't give you all that but I'll give you snails.

**America:** *hugs back* No, no. I'm okay, for now. *turns around to see England with a Russia worthy grin* Ah! *runs away like a little girl* I JUST WANTED A CHEESEBURGER! NOT ASS ACHE!

**France:** You know I kind of feel bad for America but it was kind of funny to see him run away like a little girl. *snickers*

**America:** *off in distance* I heard that!

**England:** *runs after him*

**America:** *runs faster*

**China:** Yes! They're finally gone aru!

**France:** HA HA HA HA! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT AMERICA!

**America: **I say- *England glomps him* I say HELP ME!

**China:** *laughs*

**Canada:** *evil glint in his eye that would freak even Russia out.*

**China:** *still laughing*

**Japan:** *still taking pictures*

**France:** *evil laugh that would creep Russia out*

**TBC.**

**(A/N)** **Yeah, expect the next few chapters really quick. Like, right after this author note is done quick. :P So yes, enjoy the randomness. XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia or anything mentioned. I only own Antarctica and thats it. :P  
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**Antarctica:** What is so bloody funny?

**France:** Guess who raped America

**Antarctica:** *thinks about it for a few minutes then gives a disgusted look* Ew! Big bro raped America? Gross. Bleh.

**Prussia:** *hugs from behind* Hey birdie~

**Antarctica:** *mouths* Help me! *blushes*

**Russia:** *appears* BECOME ONE WITH MOTHER RUSSIA, DA!

**France:** No Russia go away and bother some else.

**Antarctica:** *mouths* Help me!

**France:** Fine. *tries to pry Prussia off*

**Prussia:** Nu! Mah birdie! *holds on tighter*

**Antarctica:** *mouths* Hes drunk...I'll just stay here then. *sigh*

**Russia:** NYET! I WILL NOT GO AWAY! YOU BECOME ONE WITH MOTHER RUSSIA OR ELSE! *pulls out pipe*

**France:** Russia I said no and that means no.

**Russia:** Kolkolkolkolkol~~~~~

**Prussia:** Hoe shit! Russias pissed! *hides behind Antarctica*

**Antarctica:** *sigh and gives Russia a sunflower*

**Russia:** Ooooo~ *totally distracted*

**France:** *mouths* Thank you. *pulls Prussia off*

**Antarctica:** *mouths* Your welcome...and thanks.

**Prussia:** NUUUU! MAH BIRDAH! *flails*

**Antarctica:** *hides behind Russia*

*distant noises from England and America (who are forgotten)*

**Everyone:** O.o

**France:** Oh great America is being raped again...

**Antarctica:** God! My big bro is a perv when hes in his pirate mode...crap...I have a pirate mode too...I mean I am related to him. -_-' I'm screwed *snicker* and so is America. (ha! so puny!)

**France:** *slowly backs away*

**Prussia:** *glomps Antarctica* But ya mah pirate! Isn't tah right birdah?

**Antarctica:** *rolls eyes*

**France:** I bored I'm leaving

**china:** Are we that boring? *puppy eyes*

**Antarctica:** *could care less as long as Prussia is with him*

**Russia:** *hugging the sunflower*

**Prussia:** *snuggling Antarctica*

**Canada:** And yet I'm here but no one seems to notice so now I can plot my revenge without anyone knowing. *innocent smile*

**France:** What did you say Canada?

**Canada:** Nothing~ *mutters* Just planning world domination...*evil smile*

**France:** *slowly backs away*

**Canada:** Oh come on Papa France. Come give me a hug~ *holds a dagger behind his back*

**France:** Wait why am I here I was bored and still am. *walks away*

*random chibi!Prussia appears* Aw~ But Francey. I wanna hear a story. Oo! Can we play a game?

**France:** *stunned by randomness*

**chibi!Prussia:** *awesomely cute smile* Can we? Huh? Huh! HUH?

**Canada:** *pokes Frances face with the dagger* I think hes dead...

**France:** AHHHH! Canada get that thing away from me!

**Canada:** *raises hands* Fine. Have it your way. Just checking if you where dead or not. But I think we should play a game.

**chibi!Prussia:** Yay! *high fives Canada*

**France:** What game?

**everyone:** TRUTH OR DARE!

**France:** *facepalm*

**(A/N)** **Yeah, this one was short, but the next one will be longer. Lots of longness. :)** **Oh, and for futureness, Prussia is no longer paired up with Antarctica. No one is. ^^; I cant find anyone that would tolerate this version of him...But um...Thanks for reading this randomness!**

**P.S. I would've had this chapter out last night, but my computer was being a buttmunch and wouldnt work so...you get it today. XD**


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N) I don't usually do author notes at the top but thank you to xXTomatoBoxFairyXx for favoriting and alerting this story! XD BTW...I love your name. Its just so awesome.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or anything mentioned. Only own Antarctica.**

**Warning: OOC-ness, randomness and truth or dare ahead. Beware.  
><strong>

*America randomly appears out of nowhere* France! Truth or dare!

**France:** *sigh* Dare...I guess

**America:** OH YES! I DARE YOU TO EAT A HAMBURGER! AND NOT THROW IT UP!

**France:** *noms on hamburger* *gags*

**America:** Are ya gonna finish that? *stares at hamburger*

**Antarctica:** *sigh* Anyway, its your turn France.

**France:** England truth or dare

**England:** *sips tea* Shut up frog. I choose dare.

**France:** *evil laugh that creeps Russia out* You get to go screw America

**England:** *pirate mode kicks in...again*

**America:** OH GOD! I HATE YOU FRANCE!

**England:** *quickly ties up America and drags him off...to god knows where.. and calls off in the distance* China! Truth or dare!

**France:** *mutters to himself* Sweet sweet revenge...

**China:** TRUTH!

**England:** Is it true that all those noises last night in your room was when Japan was with you?

**China:** ...YOU MISHEARD ME I SAID DARE!

**England:** *pants* Fine...I dare you to make out with Japan then. *insert evil grin here*

**China:** *runs to japan and glomps him*

**Japan:** Ah! *makes out*

**China:** *when they're done* Um...Russia, truth or dare, aru?

**Russia:** Dare

**China:** I dare you to be extremely uke for at least an hour!

**Russia:** *growls* Fine!

**Russia:** *clears throat and makes mental note to kill china painfully and slowly later* Antarctica-Chan? Truth or dare, da? *uke smile*

**Antarctica:** Dare.

**Russia:** *puts finger to mouth all cute like as if in deep thought* I dare you to let Prussia invade your vital regions!

**Antarctica:** *shudder* Why?

**Russia:** *smile* Because its your dare~

**England:** *appears for a minute (fully clothed)* There's no way I'm letting my lil' bro get his virginity taken away at the age thirteen!

**Antarctica:** Just give me a truth! *tear*

**Russia:** No! You said dare so you have to do the dare!

**France:** Oh great! More raping.

**Prussia:** Keseseseseseseesesese~ Come on birdie~ *drags him off*

**Antarctica:** I. HATE. YOU. SO. MUCH. RUSSIA!

**Russia:** *clueless smile*

**England:** You're gonna pay for this, but for now, I have to finish up with Alfred- I mean...America. *runs off*

**Japan:** Since Antarctica has...um...'left'. I now declare its France's turn again!

**France:** *growls that freak out everyone even Russia*(not because he is being uke)

**Everyone:** F-France? O.o *backs away slowly...*

**France:** Truth. *growls*

**Japan:** Is it true that you do not know what the pockey game is?

**France:** ...The what?

**Japan:** *facepalm* The pockey game is where two people get a piece of pockey-

**china:** Pockey is like a cracker stick that's dipped in either strawberry or chocolate.

**Japan:** As I was saying, the two people chew on each side until they reach the center. But if you do not reach the center because someone broke away then the one who did break away is the loser and has to do the winner 1 favor. The whole point of the game is to have people kiss each other and yeah...its quite interesting to play, even though I've never played it.

**France:** Japan truth or dare?

**Japan:** truth...?

**France:** *mentally cursing at japan* Do you want to play the pokey game with China?

**Japan:** *blush* Uh..well...yes, I guess...

**China:** *glomps Japan*

**Japan:** Ah! Oh look!

*everyone turns to see...*

**America:** Heh, we're back. *limping...real bad...-_-'*

**England:** Unfortunately... *they both sit*

**Japan:** England, truth or dare?

**England:** Dare. *hoping he can rape America again*

**America:** *looking at him with hopeful eyes that he wont have to go threw 'pirate Iggy' again*

**Japan:** *evil grin and glances at America* Go have 'fun'.

**England: ***drags America off...again...for what? the fourth time? god...*

**America: **I fucking hate you Japan! I'm gonna kick your ass! If I fucking survive you bitch! *they disappear*

**TBC...**

**(A/N) Yay! Another chapter! :D But um...I wasn't sure how I should've ended this chapter but I did it like tis. :P Enjoy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**France:** *snickers*

**Canada:** *off in the corner plotting revenge*  
><strong>Japan:<strong> Who wants to substitute for England-San?

**Everyone:**...

**Japan:** *sigh* Fine I'll do it. Canada-San? Truth or dare?  
><strong>Canada:<strong> Huh? *falls out of chair cause of supriseness and trying to hide all his plans*

**France:** *finds Canada's dagger and poke Canada's face* I think he's dead

**Canada:** Heeeeeeeeey! That's mine! *snatches and starts poking France with it* I choose truth.

**France:** Canada, what did I say earlier?  
><strong>Canada:<strong> *poke poke poke*...  
><strong>Japan:<strong> Why did you fall out of your chair?

**Canada:** Oh nothing~ I didn't fall out of my chair. Man, you smoking crack.

**Japan:** No! *growls at Canada*

**Canada:** *backs away and pokes France with dagger.* Truth or dare papa~

**France:** *not focusing on the question* STOP POKING MY FACE WITH THAT DAGGER ARG!

**Canada:** Fine! But...truth or dare, dammit!

**France:** Touchy much...truth.

**Canada:** Meh! Okay is it true that you regret giving me this dagger for my last birthday? *holds it up*

**France:** Yes. *lowers voice* Mostly because you keep poking me with it...  
><strong>Canada:<strong> *starts poking France's face again* Hehehe!  
><strong>France:<strong> *growls at Canada* China truth or dare?

**China:** Dare.

**France:** *starts slapping Canada so Canada will stop* Go see what England and America are doing and yes you have to physically walk in the room.

**China:** Aw! No fair! *goes anyway and a few minutes later he screams, runs out with a nosebleed from pervertedness* Uhg. Italy, truth or dare?

**Italy:** Pasta?

**Germany:** *facepalm*  
><strong>China:<strong> No Italy. Truth? Or dare? Aru...

**Italy:** Dare but can I also have pasta?

**China:** No because your dare is that you cant have pasta for the rest of the day, aru~

**Italy:** *sad voice* No...pasta...

**China:** That's right, aru~  
><strong>Germany:<strong> *hugs Italy who is crying*  
><strong>Prussia:<strong> *Prussia comes back* Hey guys, the awesome me is back!  
><strong>Antarctica:<strong> *follows him...limping* *saying with every step* Ow...ow...ow...ow...  
><strong>Italy:<strong> *snickers at Antarctica* Antarctica-Chan? Truth or dare?  
><strong>Antarctica:<strong> Truth! *wide eyed and scared*

**Italy:** What did Prussia do to you?

**Prussia:** *grin*  
><strong>Antarctica:<strong> *mumbles*  
><strong>Italy:<strong> What?  
><strong>Antarctica:<strong> He...*mumbles*  
><strong>Italy:<strong> What?  
><strong>Germany:<strong> *covers Italy's ears*  
><strong>Antarctica:<strong> *really yells out the answer but to Italy hes just mouthing it.*  
><strong>Italy:<strong> What?

**England:** *walks in(fully clothed) with America*  
><strong>America:<strong> *limp* Ow! *limp* Ow!  
><strong>Antarctica:<strong> America truth or dare?

**America:** *limp* Ow! Dammit! Uh...t-truth...

**Antarctica:** What would you do if you were seme and England was uke?

**America:** *dangerous glint in his eyes* Well I'd show him the true meaning of revenge. I'd fuck him up until he couldn't walk anymore and could feel it into the next week (like I will.) *wicked smile*

**Antarctica:** Well it's your turn.

**America:** Right...um. Spain, truth or dare?

**Spain:** Dare

**America:** I dare you to prank call someone.

**Spain:** Do you have anyone in mind?

**America:** *evil smirk* Romano...

**Spain:** No! No! I will NOT prank call mi Romano!

**America:** You have to! It's your dare!

*Romano randomly walks in*  
><strong>Romano:<strong> Hi guys...  
><strong>Spain:<strong> *evil laugh*

**Romano:** What are you laughing about tomato bastard? *flicks forehead* Anyway, what're ya bastards doing?

**Spain:** Truth or dare and OW!

**Romano:** Whatever bastard. I wanna play.

**Spain:** Well America you have to ask something else hehehe.

**America:** Fine...um. Prank call Greece or something. No matter what you're prank calling someone. *huffs*

**Spain:** *uses random phone to call Greece*

**Greece:** Hello?

**Spain:** Is your refrigerator running

**Greece:** Spain? Is that you? You should know I dont have a refrigerator. What do you really want?  
><strong>Spain:<strong> Who is Spain?

**Greece:** You...you're the only one with that accent. *sweatdrop*

**Spain:** Crap.  
><strong>America:<strong> Hehehe.

**Greece & Romano:** -_-'  
><strong>America:<strong> !

**Spain:** *hangs up while making mental note to kill America later* Okay so England truth or dare?

**England:** Might as well give America a brake. truth.

**Spain:** What would YOU do if you were uke and America was seme?


	5. Chapter 5

**England:** I would most likely take it up the ass willingly instead of begging for my seme to stop. *smirks and glances at America who is blushing several shades of red* Now...Romano, truth or dare?

**Romano:** Truth eyebrow bastard. I don't trust you. *looks off to side*

**France:** This should be interesting.

**England:** Is it true that Spain has proposed to you?

**Spain:** *doing hand actions to tell him to shut the hell up*

**Romano:** CH-CHIGI! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SUCH A THING! BASTARDO! *blushes more then America did* Potato bastard. Truth or dare? (Germany)

**Germany:** Dare

**Romano**: I dare you to not talk, touch or even look at my brother for the rest of the day.

**America**: Oh god. Be right back! *runs away and we hear puking noises*

**Germany:** *growls*...

*America comes back and sits next to England, then grabbed a bucket and pukes again.*

**everyone:** O.o

**Denmark:** *randomly appears* Its your turn Germany! Woot!

**Germany**:...

**Canada:** *pokes germany this time with dagger* I think hes dead to...

*somewhere in the background America pukes again and England walks him to the bathroom*

**Germany**: *tries to talk without moving lips* Ask Russia truth or dare

**Canada:** *still poking Germany w/ dagger* Hey Russia! Germany said truth or dare?

**Russia:** Truth, da?

**Germany**: *still trying to talk without moving lips* Canada think of something

**Canada:** Russia, why are you such a big damn perv?

**Russia**: Perv? I'm not that. Now...all of you become one with Mother Russia, da?

**Everyone:** NO!

*America pukes in the background*

**Denmark**: Okay what the hell are you doing?

**England**: If I don't know then you wont. And besides its not even your turn to ask now is it. So...SHUT. IT!

**Russia:** I'll change that. Denmark, truth or dare, da?

**Denmark**: Dare?

**Russia:** Da! Kolkolkol~ I dare you to become one with Russia!

**Denmark:** I'm so going get you later

**Russia:** *drag Denmark off to who knows where*

*several minutes later they come back with Russia carrying Denmark, apparently he cant walk...for a while.*

**Denmark:** Heh...u-um. America t-truth or-or d-dare?

**America:** Dare I know I'm going to regret this

**Denmark:** Dammit! Wait...yes! I dare you to tell me why you keep throwing up!

**America:** Um...I don't even know...I just feel sick to my stomach. *throws up again*

**Prussia:** I think you screwed him to hard eyebrows...

**England:** *rubbing Americas back and sighs* Shut it ex-nation. And since he cant even talk without vomiting I'll say it. France, truth or dare?

**France:** Dare

**England:** This is one that would make Alfred laugh.

**Everyone:** *shocked that he used Americas human name*

**England:** I mean America. Anyway, shove frog legs up your nose. *smirk*

**America:** *chuckles then throws up again*

**France:** England I'm so going to kill you! *go into the kitchen and comes back with frog legs up his nose*

**Everyone**: *laughs so much except for America and Romano*

**France**:...

**England**: *stifles a laugh* O-okay France. You can take them out now.

**Prussia:** AND LETS TURN THIS INTO A DARING CONTEST! WHOEVER BACKS OUT OF A DARE THEY HAVE TO CHUG A WHOLE BOTTLE OF GERMAN BEER!

**Everyone:** *mega facepalm*

**France:** *pulls frog legs out of nose*

*several people snicker and some random person yells* RUSSIA I DARE YOU TO ACT LIKE A PIKACHU THROUGH OUT HALF AN HOUR!

**Russia:** *facepalm* pika?

**Everyone:** *snickers*

**Russia:** *grr...angryness* Pika! Pikapikapikapikapika! PIKACHU!

**Everyone:** *full out laughing*

**Antarctica:** O-okay, *cant stop laughing* Denmark. I dare you to walk.

**Denmark:** O-okay? *tries to get up...but just falls on his butt and swears in Danish as he is in bad pain*

**Denmark:** Dammit! Um...England I dare you to not talk to America and ignore him for until I say.

**England:** *super pissed*

**France: ***snickers*

**England**: Frog face! (France) I dare you to be out of character!

**France**:...

**Sealand:** Yay! hes not the normally perverted frog he is! Woot!

**Everyone:** O.o This is awkward...

**France**:...

**Antarctica:** *tackles* That's it! Your dare is officially over! Its to weird like this! Dare me Papa France! It hasn't been my turn since that horrid dare!

**France:** I dare you to put frog legs up your nose until the next time someone dares you

**Antarctica:** Aw! D: *pulls frog legs out of nowhere and shoves them up nose* Hmmph! Hope your happy...um...Spain I dare you...to do something that Romano would hate. *evil smile*

**Spain:** What were you thinking of?

**Antarctica:** *evil glint in eyes* Burn your precious tomato patch...

* * *

><p><strong>(AN) Oh no! Not the tomato patch! D:**


	6. Chapter 6

**Spain:** NOOOOOOOO NEVER NOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Antarctica:** *folds arms* Fine. But its either that or torture Romano in front of all of us. *eyes cloud* And I mean torture. Take a knife and make him scream. Make him cry and beg for you to stop. MAKE HIS BLOOD SPILL OUT ON THE FLOOR!

**Prussia:** I cant believe I'm with a nut job...-_-"

**Spain:** *slowly backs away* You're evil

**Antarctica:** I know. *happy smile* Now...which are you gonna give up? Your precious tomatoes or Romano's trust? Hmm? Ah, decisions, decisions. Now whatever will you do? *creepy smile*

**Spain:** I guess my tomatoes *sob* *leaves...with a blowtorch and axe* *comes back in sobbing* I am going to kill you later Antarctica...

**Antarctica:** I'll be looking forward to it~ And since I'm awesome I get to dare someone again. Um...*puts hand over eyes and spins around in a circle with arm extended and pointing, then stops and uncovers eyes* Okay then. China, I dare you to go get Hungary and tell her how Americas been acting and have her come and check on him. *epic pose* Go my faithful servant for this will make me happy to know the predicament my soon to be brother in law got himself into!

**China:** Why me

**Antarctica:** Because I said so...NOW. GO! *supercerealface*

**China:** *walks of slowly while cursing under his breath*

**Antarctica:** Ha ha! Victory is mine! *glomps Prussia out of epicness.*

**Prussia:** Hey birdie

**Antarctica:** Yes Mr. Awesome?

**Prussia:** Where are we going?

**Antarctica:** We're going to...(wait for it...) EUROPE! *points to Spain.* There! Right there! Look at that tan that tinted skin. Look at the killer shape hes in. Look at that slightly stubby chin. Oh please hes gay, totally gay.

**Austria:** Im not about to celebrate, every trait could indicate, the totally straight expatriate. This guys not gay I say not gay.

**Everyone (except for people who are all like wtf is going on?): **That is the elephant in the room is it relevant to presume that a man who wears perfume automatically radically fey?

**Canada:** But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.

**America:** Look at his silk translucent socks.

**Austria:** There's the eternal paradox. Look at what we're seeing.

**Italy:** What do we see?

**Austria:** Is he gay?

**America:** Of course hes gay!

**Antarctica:** Or European?

**Everyone: **Ooh. Gay or European? Its hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?

**France:** Well hey don't look at me!

**America:** You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports.

**everyone:** In shiny shirts and tiny shorts. Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They say things like 'ciao bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks.

**America:** Oh please.

**everyone:** Gay or European? So many shades of gray.

**Antarctica:** Depending on the time of day the french go either way.

**everyone:** Is he gay or European? Or...

**England: **There! Right there! Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk. That guys not gay, I say no way.

**everyone:** Well that is the elephant in the room, is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume is-

**China:** Automatically radically.

**Austria: **Ironically chronically.

**England:** Certainly pertain'ly

**Canada:** Genetically medically.

**everyone:** GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY...DAMMIT! Gay or European?

**Austria:** So stylish and relaxed...

**everyone:** Is he gay or European?

**Austria:** I think his chest is waxed...

**Antarctica:** But they bring their boys up different there. Its culturally diverse. Its not a fashion curse

**everyone:** If he wears a kilt or bears a purse. Gay or just exotic? I still cant crack the code.

**America:** Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed.

**everyone:** Huh. Gay or European? So many shades of gray.

**Hungary:** But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday.

**everyone:** Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro-

**Germany:** Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy. Ive got a solution that I'd like to try.

**Austria:** The floor is yours.

**Germany:** So Mr. Carriedo? This alleged affair with Ms. Windem has been going on for...?

**Spain:** Two years.

**Germany:** And your first name again is...?

**Spain:** Antonio.

**Germany:** And your boyfriends name is...?

**Spain:** Romano. *everyone gasp here* Wait! I misunderstand! You say boyfriend! I thought you say best friend! Romano is my...best friend.

**Romano:** You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it I no cover for you no more! Peoples! I have a big announcement! This man is gay AND European!

*time skip in the song to the end*

**Spain:** Fine okay I'm gay!

**everyone:** HOORAY!

**France:** What...just happened?

**Antarctica:** We just sang the most epic song eva!

**France:** *surprised look* Okay?

* * *

><p><strong>(AN) Hola~ Have some...randomness...I DONT OWN THIS SONG!**


End file.
